Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Marriage! People, Places and Perceptions



In the ancient world, marriage served primarily as a means of preserving power, with kings and other members of the ruling class marrying off daughters to forge alliances, acquire land, and produce legitimate heirs. Even in the lower classes, women had little say over whom they married. The purpose of marriage was the production of heirs. 

Ancient Rome


In ancient Rome, marriage was a civil affair governed by imperial law. But when the empire collapsed, in the 5th century, church courts took over and elevated marriage to a holy union. As the church's power grew through the Middle Ages, so did its influence over marriage. In 1215, marriage was declared one of the church's seven sacraments, alongside rites like baptism and penance. But it was only in the 16th century that the church decreed that weddings be performed in public, by a priest, and before witnesses.’

In the 17th and 18th centuries, when Enlightenment thinkers pioneered the idea that life was about the pursuit of happiness, they advocated marrying for love rather than wealth or status. This trend was augmented by the Industrial Revolution and the growth of the middle class in the 19th century, which enabled young men to select a spouse and pay for a wedding, regardless of parental approval. As people took more control of their love lives, they began to demand the right to end unhappy unions and so divorce became much more commonplace.

Asia


Among the Asians, marriage was traditionally regarded as a bonding of families rather than individuals. In much of China, marriage is, first and foremost, about family and community. In most of Asia, marriage is widespread and illegitimacy almost unknown. Divorce, though rising in some countries, remains comparatively rare. But these days, arranged marriages are yielding to Western-style "love matches" among the young middle classes. Traditional marriage patterns have also been altered by the increased number of working women and women seeking careers. Women are retreating from marriage as they go into the workplace. That's partly because, for a woman, being both employed and married is tough in Asia. Women are the primary caregivers for husbands, children and, often, for ageing parents; and even when in full-time employment, they are expected to continue to play this role. This is true elsewhere in the world, but the burden that Asian women carry is quiet heavy. Japanese women, who typically work 40 hours a week in the office, then do, on average, another 30 hours of housework. Their husbands, on average, do three hours. And Asian women who give up work to look after children find it hard to return when the offspring are grown. 

Japan

In Japan, prospective partners are chosen on the basis of education level, family position, and compatibility determined by Chinese astrology and numerology. The search, research, and introduction were traditionally made by nakodas (honored go-betweens, usually older, respected married couples).

In the old days, families of the prospective partners met to size up each other and pursued the marriages like trade partners working out a business deal. If the couple liked each other and the union of their families was regarded as advantageous the couple dated until their engagement was formally announced and betrothal gifts were formally exchanged. In the 1950s, about 70 percent of all marriages were arranged. In 1973, the figure was only 37 percent. Today only around 10 percent are. Arranged marriages today are worked out by professional matchmakers, nakodas, fortune tellers and detectives that specialize in marriage partners

Today, prospective couples get together at arranged meetings with chaperons after they have been selected for one another. It is not unusual for a woman to attend 50 such meetings before finding the right man. Couples that have three or four formal meetings and still like each other after that often end up getting married.

Hindu

Hindus believe that marriage is a "holy, indissoluble union of families as well as individuals." According to the Hindu scholar Dr. Krishna Nath Chatterjuee, “The purpose of the Hindu marriage is to have sexual relations, continuity of race, and discharging of religion, and social duties. Marriages have traditionally taken place when the couple is very young and girls are expected to be virgins when they get married. One of the things the parent benefits from presenting a pure daughter for marriage is the earning of great merit. Kanya is a word used to describe virginity and it is equated with purity, an important element of Hinduism. Producing a son is one of the primary aims of a marriage and marriage is regarded as a necessity to continue the family line. Any man or woman who is not married or doesn't have children is regarded as incomplete. But a woman can only marry if she is pure. A divorced or widowed woman is considered no longer pure but polluted and if she remarries, it is believed that she would pollute the man she is married to. 

Somalia

Somali marriage laws are practically Muslim marriage laws, with a difference. A man may have four wives, with all the trouble he deserves in consequence thrown in. He may become engaged to a girl before she is born by making an arrangement with her "would-be” parents. The engagement, in any case, is always arranged between the girl's parents or guardians and is clinched by a small present from the man to them as a token of finality. This token, which may consist of a horse or even any small personal possession of the man's, once accepted makes the engagement binding for all time. If broken by either party something like a breach of promise case is the result. Any time before the marriage, property (generally in the shape of stock) is paid by the suitor to the parents as the purchase price of his bride. The value of this property varies among different tribes and for different women. If before marriage a girl dies, her relations must return the purchase price paid. Should the man die his next of kin may marry the girl on making a small further payment. Should she refuse this alliance, another must be found to take her place, or the price is returned to the deceased's estate. If everything is arranged satisfactorily and the marriage is consummated, a substantial proportion of the price is returned to the man by his wife's people. 

Sudan


The Neur people of southern Sudan must pay 20-40 cattle, the marriage is completed only after the wife has born 2 children. If the wife only bears one child and the husband asks for a divorce he can also ask for either the return of the cattle or the first child. Divorce therefore is very difficult. Another interesting fact is that if a husband dies then the husbands family must provide a brother to the widow and any children born to the brother are considered the deceased's children.

The 1950s 

The motives behind marriages of the 1950s consist of the fact that people were expected to start off their lives right after High School. The roles of the husband and wife were simply. The husband, being the breadwinner of the family, was expected to work and provide financial support for the family while the wife stayed at home to take care of the children along with cleaning and cooking and generally take care of the home. It was the norm for girls as young as 19 and boys as young as 21 to get married (which I find to be quite interesting because I got married at the age of 25 and I thought I was too young). I know people who got married at the age of 18 and I wonder why (I don’t think I would want my daughter or son to get married at such a young age). 

Back then in the 50s, the divorce rates were 23 percent but that did not mean all marriages in the 50s were happy. People in the 1940s and 1950s (and I think even till date) believed that divorces were regarded as a deviant behavior and a public acknowledgement of failure. Many people today still believe that the way out of a marriage is not divorce but death; hence ‘till death do us part.’

Marriage Economics

The economy has undergone so many changes since the 50s, so it is rare to see a situation where the man is still the only one supporting the family financially in today’s economy. Back then, maybe the economy wasn’t so hard. However, for the wealthy and affluent, the situation may be different. In an interview I watched of Donald Trump and his family, the wife of his eldest son happens to be a stay-at-home mum. That is possible when you are swimming in billions. Personal relationships of rich and famous people usually bear little resemblance to those of regular Americans. In today's marriage, both spouses have to work in order to financially support their family. The average age for people to get married are as young as 27 for men and as young as 25 for women. The motives of marriage have changed since most parents do expect their children to go to college right after high school rather than marry.

The Decline

It has often been said that the family is the building block of the society but the definition of family has changed from what it is used to be. Before a family can be created, there must be a coming together of a man and a woman in holy matrimony; this was how a family was described in the beginning but over the past decades, the view of marriage has been shifting. In the western world, many couples meet, find themselves attracted to each other, decide to date each other exclusively, engage in sexual activity, agree to form a permanent relationship and move in together and maybe get married along the way or break up. In most cases, the couples are of opposite genders. However, a small but growing number of couples who wish to get married are of the same gender. 

With a high divorce rate, instead of "death to us part" more newlyweds figure if the marriage can't last, the way to end it is by getting a divorce. It is true that marriages in the 1950s lasted a lot longer, but back then divorces were considered a taboo. While marriage is in decline, unmarried cohabitation is on the rise. Fifteen times the number of couples today live together outside of marriage than in 1960 and almost half of cohabiting households include children.

Only about half of Americans are married now, down from 72 percent in 1960, according to census data. The age at which one first gets married has risen by six years since 1960, and now only 20 percent of Americans get married before the age of 30. The number of new marriages each year is declining at a slow but steady rate. The Pew Research Center recently found that about 40 percent of unmarried adults believe that marriage is becoming obsolete. Is it?

Marriage is a sacred institution and it can never be obsolete because it depicts the relationship between Christ and His Church. Marriages fail because the man and his wife choose to make themselves or their children or career or ambition the center of their marriage instead of Christ. The word of God clearly points out the roles and responsibility of the man and the woman but the world tries to make it look complicated and burdensome, this is a great deception. As long as couples base their marriage on the word of God and adhere to all that is written in it, there will be no need for divorce or separation.

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